Atheist Network

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Let's see.

A building that repesents a social movement based on death, torture, and dehumanization. The movement was spread by the sword with whole billages tortured and murdered just for refusing to accept such nonsense. A movement with a history of oppressing people who deviate from the statistical mean from witches (herbalists and healers) to homos, from people with physical disabilities to people with vaginas, from jews to atheists. Crusades, inquisitions, wars, self-mortification, iron maidens, chastity belts, rectal pears (shudder), branks, St Elmo's belt, dunking chairs, the Bonfire of the Vanities, the Holocaust, doomsday cults, abortion clinic bombings, queer bashing, Fred Phelps, Army of God, the KKK, the National Alliance, Opus Dei, Stryper,....


And I could go on and on. There are literally thousands of reasons to be afraid or uncomfortable in or around a church.

My advice--close your eyes and think of England.

PS--your husband is not your only supporter--we're here too.

Seriously, myusername, if you don't want to do it, if it bothers you that much, don't do it. It's not like bridesmaids are an integral part of weddings anyway, so there's no loss on her end, if that's any consolation to either of you. Just tell your "friend" that you cannot in good conscience support such a ceremony by being a part of it.

You got two choices. Maybe it's best to plot out each one and analyze each consequences.

One, your an adult, you got every right to tell that girl she has four weeks to find some one else and leave it at that...

Or, you could probability tell her why. Maybe tell her what you just told us. Tell her that your afraid that she is going to put you under the spot light of judgmental people and that you've had very bad experiences in the past, it's just something you rather not go through again.

Maybe your worrying to much about it. But looks looks to me, she needs some one there, hell, why did she pick you if she knows your an atheist? This is this girl's wedding, she is in the spotlight, not you.

Heckle the Priest.

Convince your friend that her fiancé is cheating on her so that she will call the wedding off. Problem solved.

There are some ideas how to go about doing that in the Hypothetical Situation thread.

Wow, that sucks. She doesn't sound like a very good friend for you to have, but then again I do unfortunately understand settling at times, as otherwise you can feel pretty alone. I've been getting a lot more comfortable feeling alone lately, as it seems like every time I settle, it backfires in a way that sounds awfully similar to what you're describing. I get hit up to do something I really don't want to do by a "friend" who is too damn dense to realize that I obviously don't want to do whatever they are asking, and I agree because I'm afraid of being a dick and making anyone feel bad. I then put off whatever I have to do to the last possible moment, as I really don't want to do it, so then of course I end up scrambling and doing damn near twice as much work to get this thing done that I never wanted to do in the first place. The "friend" is probably a bit disappointed with the results since I didn't want to do it in the first place, and I end up hating the "friend" far more than if I would have just said no in the first place and had to listen to them bitch a little. I have done this so many times it makes me a little sad to even think about it.

I would tell her to find another bridesmaid. If that's not an option, I would fulfill your obligation this one last time and try not to get in this situation again. It's not fair to you to spend your life trying to make people happy at your own expense. They don't do it for you, do they?

Hahaha, wow...you understand!



Yea, hopefully I've learned my lesson, eh?

It's made me think though..someone asked why she picked me to be in the wedding, knowing I was an atheist..it's because I'm her fiance's best friend's wife (blah blah blah). Sounds bad that way....but really...more so...I think SHE was actually trying to do something for me by making me feel like I belonged (and I had never been a wedding when it seems to be the 'it' thing around here). I guess we both were/are trying to do something for the other and here is the result. So I think I feel better about it all

If I weren't so repulsed by Christianity, I think I could perform quite well because, heck, I've done it before!

Thanks all for your replies, you made me laugh!

I had a situation like this earlier this year. I was asked to be a Groomsman in a wedding (this WOULD have been my second time doing so) and i reluctantly said OK.

2 months prior i realized i wasn't up to it, and i informed the best man (couldn't reach the soon to be husband), and yes they were somewhat angry, but i think it would have been worse had a tried to play along and insulted everyone by my anti social behavior during the show.

I notice you said you yourself are married. I don't believe in marriage at all. It has zero meaning for me. Now you are probably looking at me and shaking your head thinking I'm a fool for that, though this is probably what the bride thinks of you for being an atheist.

I'm not sure where I was going with this...

ahh yes... you have my sympathy.

Or better still, do it, shag the Groom and then tell your best friend. Sorted.

Right on.

And no I don't think you are a fool. I think it's better that you have decided you do not believe in it (and therefore won't be doing it) than the people who don't think about it at all, the implications, the consequences, and just do it. Especially because "it's what you are suppose to do." Ugh, annoying.

My brother and his wife had a Jewish wedding and I was the best man. It didn't bother me because my brother and his wife are each far more important to me than my distaste for religion. The wedding was fantastic and a lot of fun.

You need to ask yourself what is more important to you, your friend or your religion aversion.

While I can sympathize with the feelings involved, I think realistically, you have two choices... either tell yourself that you are willing to do this for her or tell her that you do not feel able to do what she needs.

If you are going to decide to do this for her, then feel free to come here to vent, but put your issues away in real life and do not spoil her day. If you do not feel you can put her first in this particular matter, then in all fairness to her, you really do need to just bow out gracefully and let her get on with the business of making her day the day she wants it to be.

Suck it up, be an adult, and go do the wedding. Perform the special rituals, say the magic words and make your friend happy.

You making a fuss about this makes you no better than an intolerant evangelical Christian who is horrified at having to attend a Hindu wedding. Not everyone is rational, some people delude themselves into thinking there's a god who wants to watch them get married, so deal with it. Refusing to do this for your friend will make you look like an asshole.

Grow the fuck up.

Symbolism matters Sten. Would you dress up in a Nazi uniform for a wedding? If she has an objection to Christianity then there's nothing wrong with stepping aside.

Non sequitur.



Another non sequitur.



Refusing to participate in such a disgusting spectacle is dealing with it.



Perhaps from where her friend's standing. Of course, from where her friend's standing (religiously), she already looks like an asshole.



Which roughly translates to: "Think for yourself, but don't act on it because some people might think you're an asshole."

Let the christains keep all the unwarranted guilt trips, eh Sten?

You've agreed to submit to hanging out with evil judgemental people and you can't stand it?

Whoa, that's a pretty stupid thing to do. I'd hire somebody to give me a good swift kick in the ass, if I were you. At some time or another you're going to have to take responsibility for your own actions. Now is a good time, I think.

Plus, I'd like to add, the Catholics yer' hanging out with sound terrible. I've been hanging out with some lately and they've been very sensitive to not offend me or even bring up their faith while I'm around.

Might just be a local thing though.

Oh, and Username, I'm the 'Gunman. Nice to meet you.

Head out and make some friends, luv. See if there are any clubs or organizations locally that you'd like to join up with, and try and meet some people. It sounds to me like you're letting yourself be held hostage to unfair expectations in an uneven social relationship. Try and seek out and cultivate relationships with people you respect, with whose company you enjoy, who aren't going wield power over you to get you do do things you are uncomfortable doing, unless these sorts of things could be opportunities for personal growth or some such.

If this person is a "pretend" friend, there should be little reason to do this for her, if it's causing you strong emotional distress. Maybe offer to assist with something else in preparation for the wedding, if you feel like doing this for her. The only other reason you should do this is if you think, by facing your fear or discomfort, you might better yourself through the experience.